I need to write more – I think it might be therapeutic for me. Can I just tell you that I haven’t ever been pregnant before and every day is a roller-coaster? I promise my blog will not only be about pregnancy from here on out – there is a lot going on my life and having a little nugget is just one piece of a very large puzzle, but I can tell you it is a very large, very new piece. I just have a few observations so far:
Hormones. Mood swings. Fatigue. Whoa.
Morning sickness can strike at any time, and unfortunately it is usually when I am in the car or in the middle of an issue at work. I know that crackers or food will help but the thought of eating is so far from my mind – it’s a vicious cycle.
Eating disorder thoughts on full blast now that I’m for sure going to put on weight because, you know, I’m growing another human. Thank god for my dietitian and therapist – not that I am bragging about the fact that I need outside help for my issues, but I can tell you that I would not be able to handle this without them right now. My therapist has also gone to my obgyn to advocate on my behalf and let them know that under no circumstances can I know my weight. Unfortunately, my disorder is still strong enough that even though I am pregnant, knowing my weight would send me into a tailspin and I’d restrict more. Seriously guys, talking openly about my struggles is difficult but I know that someone out there has to have struggled like me. Or is struggling like me. Or can empathize. Secrets will kill me, and feed my eating disorder.
Gratitude galore. Andrew proposed at the Harry Potter Midnight release party. That nerd life is strong, I’m telling you. It was perfect. I had no idea it was coming, and I couldn’t have planned it better myself. He’s amazing, and I’m so lucky. We have so much support. Our families are so excited for us, and our friends are all supportive. This will be the first grandchild for both parents so, our kid is bound to be spoiled. I’m so grateful that we can ask for help, and it is freely given.
So much is happening in my life – I just need to remember to breathe, take some time for myself, process, sit with my emotions, allow them to be, and enjoy what’s happening around me.